THE BEST AND WORST MOVIES OF 1999
It is now the year 2000, and it is time to look back on the year that was, 1999. It most respects, it was a pretty good one. This year was a great improvement over the crap that was released in 1998. Around 17 movies this year made over $100 million creating a new standard for success. There were many movies that came out of nowhere and were monster hits like The Matrix and The Sixth Sense. There were movies that were hyped to high heck and were successful, but somewhat disappointing like The Phantom Menace and The Mummy. There was one movie that cost no money to make and made way too much and it was The Blair Witch Project. A dead director released his final masterpiece this past July, and no one cared. It is a sad world when Keanu Reeves makes a movie more successful than Arnold Schwarzenegger's. Tom Hanks is still a force to be reckoned with as is Julia Roberts who is the world's favorite actress and the only one that can put a butt in a seat. Annette Bening Beatty made somewhat of a comeback with American Beauty, but she began the year stinking up the joint in In Dreams. Ben Stiller is still a one hit wonder and Janeane Garafolo is still a no hit wonder. Haley Joel Osment gets the child star of the year award just edging out Jake Lloyd in Phantome Menace. Real tough competition there. TV stars do not equal movie stars as Katie Holmes, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and Seth Green found out the hard way. There were exceptions with James Van Der Beek and Alyson Hannigan with their respective hits, but it still does not guarantee success. Varsity Blues may have shown a small profit, but its final tally did not reach the $50 million mark. Hannigan was excellent in American Pie, but she was not the star. Adam Sandler has now replaced Jim Carrey as everyone's favorite comedian. Big Daddy monster hit, Man on the Moon, crash and burn. The Walt Disney company can't run a tv network, but their animated offerings are still the top draw with Tarzan and their friends at Pixar's Toy Story 2 blowing the competition away. Pokemon tried to get some of that money and the did quite well for themselves by breaking records for animated movies opening in midweek on a non holiday while the moon is in quarter full mode, and the earth is pointing away from the sun to bring on the cool late fall and early winter chill. Pocket Monsters will be around for maybe another year or two, but then it will be off to the next craze. Mutant turtles, Power Rangers, and Transformers will be waiting to join them on the other side.
Okay, here we go. Here are my lists of the top five best and worst movies of 1999:
TOP 5 BEST MOVIES OF 1999:
1. AMERICAN PIE - Funniest
movie of the year as well as the most heartwarming if you are into that sort of
thing. There were 3 movies that came out this year that had me on the
floor of the theater laughing uncontrollably, and this was my favorite. It
brought back memories of the old early 1980s sex comedies like Porkys, Sure
Thing, and Fast Times at Ridgemont High. I admired this movie for having
the raunch, a realistic attitude toward teen sex, hilarious comedy 
bits,
nudity which is so rare in R-rated movies nowadays, strong female characters who
gave and received equal treatment, goofy guys that still knew that while getting
laid rules the world, you still have to treat your girl with respect, the Dad
who may look like a dope on the surface but really cares about his kid and
wants to make sure he turns out okay knowing that he has to stumble around in
life to expand his horizons, and kudos go to that apple pie for taking the
biggest bump of the year. I rarely ever say I love a movie, but this
one I do. It is one of the best movies to come out of the 1990s, and
definitely the comedy of the year. It must also be watched from beginning
to the end if you have not seen it already. If you see one of it's more
outrageous scenes like the pie or the internet ones without proper context, the
movie will not work and you will be turned off. Sit through it and then go
back an look at your favorite parts. Ahh, the beauty of the DVD player.
Final rating: Thumbs up, 4 stars, 10 out of 10, A+. Fantastic movie.
2. AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY
WHO SHAGGED ME - The second funniest movie of the year was this one.
It is second on the list because it's story was based on total fantasy.
Cool, but when making a choice, I went with the "realism" of American
Pie. But, damn, was this movie funny as all get out. The year of
1999 was fantastic for comedies, and this one was definitely a
top one. Austin Powers as a character is a sexist, misogynist pig who
knows how to stop evil when it comes around. Dr. Evil is a misunderstood
meglomaniac who just wants to get the love of his son Scott. This movie,
however was stolen by Verne Troyer as Mini-Me the little version of Dr.
Evil. MM had no actual verbal lines in the film, but his mannerisms and
eating habits had me picking milk duds and popcorn out of my ass from falling on
the floor. If you liked the first one, you will find this sequel to be
just as good or better. Some people did not like APTSWSM because it was
just so silly and some of the bits did not really flow well together. More like
individual skits. I laughed, and go my money's worth. Also, it made me a
fan of Heather Graham who I had not enjoyed in her previous work in Lost in
Space and Boogie Nights. She is the sexiest woman in Hollywood.
Final rating: Thumbs up, 3 1/2 stars, 9 out of 10, A. Great movie.
3. SOUTH PARK: BIGGER,
LONGER & UNCUT - The comedy trend continues with this brilliant satire
on the state of movie ratings and adult supervision. SPBLAU is the
craziest movie ever made. It is funny as hell (literally), but it is also the
most profane, violent, sacrilegious, filthy, child pornographic, and confusing
movie of the year. To fully enjoy this movie, you must be a fan of the
Comedy Central series. That way you will understand the interaction
between the 4 main characters Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Eric (Cartman). Those
4 kids are excellent, but they do not control the hilartiy of the picture.
The best character in the movie is Satan himself. I am not 
down
with the Devil in real life, but this movie actually makes you feel sorry for
the lord of darkness. You see, Satan is having a love affair with the
recently deceased Saddam Hussein who gets the award for villain of the
year. Satan just wants to be loved, but Saddam is using him for his own
world power gains. The other thing that makes this movie funny is that it
is a musical. Some people who saw it were turned off by the heavy amount
of songs, but most were very funny. The Unca Fucka song is an instant classic
that must be heard to be believed. This movie did not do well at the box
office because it is based on a series that even though it gets high ratings for
a Comedy Central show, is not that well known to most of society. Also it
came out when there was a crackdown on kids seeing R rated movies that might
attract their interests. Many kids that wanted to see it were turned away
or forbidden by their parents. Pretty much the only crowd that went to see it
were the 18 to 35 group. Not enough to get to that $100 million
mark. Too bad, this movie has a pretty good message of paying attention to
your kids and not being so overprotective because it can lead to more trouble
than what you might be trying to avoid by sheltering them from the evils of the
world. We don't want to have a war with our Canadian neighbors. do
we? Final review: Thumbs up, 3 1/2 stars, 8 1/2 out of 10, A.
Hilarious.
4. TREKKIES - This movie
is about your above average Star Trek Fan who takes the adventures of Kirk,
Picard, Sisko, and Janeway a little too seriously. It is hosted by ex Next
Generation and Bing Crosby Relative, Denise Crosby who played Tasha Yar who was
killed off on the show by a black blob of goo, but came back as her own Romulan/Human
hybrid, Sela. She also posed for Playboy a while back. Very hairy.
This gets the best documentary of the
year award. If you have only heard of Star Trek and never watched the
show, you will still enjoy this movie. It shows people who base their
business on the the Star Trek look, obsess on characters like the android Data,
who create their own clothing and clubs, and my favorite, the guy who makes the
machines used on the show like a workable Captain Pike automatic wheelchair with
working yes and no beeps. The 2 funniest moments are the one where the 15
year old kid gets a phone call in the middle of his interview and says that this
is the worst time ever to call him, and the end credits where various stand up
comedians goof on Star Trek. The joke about the Klingon in school is
hilarious. I am a Trekkie, Trekker, Star Trek fan, the whole thing. I have
been to about 5 or 6 conventions and have met several of the origingal and new
casts of Trek. I have read the comics, read the novels, seen every episode
of every show including the cartoons, have posters on my wall, played with the
toys, and have many of the movies on video. I could have been interviewed
for this film and fit right in. However, I don't consider myself a nut job
for the show, just a big fan who enjoys remembering the entertainment I have
received from the series of adventures. This movie made no money at the
box office, but it was not released very well. It will probably float
around the convention circuit more than the local video store. It never
makes a blatant statement that these fans are crazy, but that seems to be the
tone. That tone may turn off some of the hardcore "need to get a
life" fans that the movie shows. But, it does show how people enjoy
the ideas of the shows to actually try to make their lives and people around
them lives better. Anything that makes people feel good and causes no
harm, is a good thing. Trekkies is highly recommended especially since it
was Deforest Kelley's last movie. Final Review: Thumbs up; 3
1/2 stars; 8 out of 10; A. Must see.
5. FIGHT CLUB
- I want to have at least one drama in my top 5 of the
year, and it comes as a total shock to me that I put Fight Club in my top 5
list. I really enjoyed this movie. It was completely different from
what I thought it was going to be from the preview. It seemed that it was going
to be a Jean Claude Van Damme tournament fighting type movie, but it became
something completely different. It was about a man's total decent into
madness. Edward 
Norton
and Brad Pitt give some of their best performances ever in this movie about what
it means to be a man and stay in control while the world is constantly torturing
your soul. I am not a Pitt fan, so I went in with a negative attitude and
came out very pleased at changing my view of his acting talents. What made
the movie good was that the fight club segments were not really the focal point
of the film. As it turns out, that is just a minor part of the
movie. This movie also has a twist that I found more interesting than the
Sixth Sense's contrived one. However, this twist is so severe, that if you
don't buy it, you will hate the movie. Up to that point I was indifferent,
but when the truth was revealed in the last fourth of the movie, I said, oh, I
get it now. Many people said that sucked, and as the box office showed,
people did not seem to buy it. Too bad. I only saw it once, but I would
see it again to catch the little things that hinted at the turning point.
Sixth Sense had a similar swerve, but I knew about it going in and looked for
the gimmick, and personally, I don't think it was executed as well as Fight
Club's. You be the judge. You will probably say it sucked in FC, and
ruled in SS, but hey that's your opinion as is mine. Final review:
Thumbs up; 3 stars; 8 out of 10; A-. Great and thought provoking.
THE TOP 5 WORST MOVIES OF 1999:
1. THE HAUNTING - Just an awful waste
of time. Do not see this mess. The acting is barely
there. Catherine Zeta Jones is barely there. And Lilly Taylor is there too
much. The preview was pretty good for the movie and much better than the
film. See that, but not the movie. It is not scary, and things that should
have been scary actually were there as friendly ghosts. The scary ghost
things suck and are very fake looking. Liam Neeson seemed to still be
looking for the force and not the ghosts. Miss this at all costs.
Final review: Thumbs down; 1 1/2 stars; 3 out of 10; D. See the
original House on Haunted Hill.
2. IN DREAMS - Annette Benning Beatty
is being stalked by Robert Downey Jr and his apple orchard in this horribly
idealized thriller. This movie has no logical flow and is not
exciting. A
little girl is found murdered and drowned which is a bit spooky and a dog is
shown eating a dead body, but the rest of the stuff is just boring and
stupid. Downey should not been put on work release to do this
picture. Annette B. B. is very annoying yelling about her dreams and
horrible life. Miss this mess, and you will thank me. This movie may rate
lower than the Haunting, but Haunting gets the top spot for being a
disappointment when I thought it would be good. I knew In Dreams
would suck. Final review: thumbs down; 1 star; 2 out of 10; D-
3. VARSITY BLUES - Movies that star
people from Kevin Williamson tv shows usually suck. 
This proved me right. James Van Der Beek plays the star quarterback who
decides not to have sex with a girl who is standing in front of him wearing only
whipped cream on her nipples and coochie. What a loser. His Texas accent
is piss poor, and when is Jon Voigt going to play a good guy again? Only
reason to see this movie is to get the DVD and check out the scene selection
screen as they have a still frame of the girl in the whipped cream. If you are a
girl, you now have an idea to please your man. Other than that, avoid with
a passion.
4. WILD WILD WEST - I did not actually
hate this movie too much, but it definitely fell short of what it should have or
could have been. It had several action sequences and lots of special 
effects,
but that was it. It never got you very involved with the characters.
It was nice to see Will Smith as a cowboy cop in the 19th century overcome
prejudice to beat the bad guys, but it just did not come off as plausible.
They tried to address the racial concerns when they probably would have done
better if they ignored it altogether. Kenneth Branagh was okay, but he is
doing a souther accent when he is really an Englishman, and that just annoys
me. Salma Hayek is very attractive, but her role was pointless and could
have been completely eliminated from the film without changing much. The
music video that Smith did for the movie is better. Watch that
instead. The DVD is loaded with extras, so you might enjoy it if you know
some of the behind the scenes stuff. Final review: thumbs down; 2 stars; 5
out of 10; C. Not as bad as everyone says, but you might still hate it.
5. THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT - I always like to pick
a worst movie of the year that many people saw or liked a lot. Last time I
picked There's Something About Mary as the 5th worst movie of 1998 even though
it is now in my personal video collection. This year I am picking the
most hyped movie of late July 1999, The Blair Witch Project. This is not a
movie. It is a home video that you watch over that annoying neighbor's
house after they come back from their 3 week vacation. I liked the special
on the Sci Fi channel that had the history of the Blair Witch. That was far
superior to the theatrical film. The web site was quite good and kept up the
realistic feel the movie tried to convey. However 85 minutes of people
cursing at each other and looking for lost maps got annoying real quick.
That Heather girl may have hurt her career with her overacting. I am also
sick of all of the satires and parodies of TBWP and those confession closeup
bits. I hate looking up people's nostrils. As I was walking into the
theater to see this movie, a person was coming out and warned me to turn around
and go home. I sometimes wish I would have listened to her. See it
if you wish, but only if you watch the Curse of the Blair Witch first.
Without the background, the movie will make no sense since they spend very
little time on the history. The movie ends very abruptly, but if you
follow what was earlier said, it is probably one of the scariest moments of the
year in movies. Final review: Thumbs down; 2 stars; 6 out of 10; C-.
Ehh.
TOP 10 MOVIES OF 1999 AND THEIR BOX OFFICE GROSSES:
1. STAR WARS: EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE $429.9 MILLION
Not the greatest of the series, but still fun in its own stupid way.
2. THE SIXTH SENSE $275.2 MILLION
Sorry to tell you, but Bruce Willis was dead the whole time after he was shot in the first 15 minutes.
3. AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME $205.4 MILLION
The only film in the top 10 to make my top 5 best of the year.
4. TOY STORY 2 $179.7 MILLION (and counting)
If I had a top 6 list, this would have been number 6 on my best of the year list.
5. THE MATRIX $171.4 MILLION
If Blair Witch had not come out this year, this would have been number 5 on my worst list, but I still understand how it was so popular, so I won't goof on it too much.
6. TARZAN $170.9 MILLION
Disney is back after not doing too well these past few years in their big Summer animated features.
7. BIG DADDY $163.5 MILLION
Jim Carrey who?
8. THE MUMMY $155.3 MILLION
This would have made my top 10 list of best movies of the year, and I liked it more than The Matrix.
9. RUNAWAY BRIDE $151.8 MILLION
Julia Roberts has the most bankable teeth in Hollywood.
10. THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT $140.5 MILLION
The box office success of TBWP shows that with excellent marketing you can sell anything to the movie going public.
TOP 5 BEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME:
Okay, here is my list of the best movies ever made. No commentary. You either agree or you don't. I do recommend you see them all.
1. THE BLUES BROTHERS
2. HALLOWEEN
3. DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL
4. A CLOCKWORK ORANGE
5. VERY BAD THINGS
TOP 5 WORST MOVIES EVER MADE:
I recommend that you see these movies as well. They are absolutely horrible films. And there will never be a movie worse than the #1 on my list. No movie can ever be made worse than that no matter what.
1. ERASERHEAD
2. FAME
3. SUPERGIRL
4. GHOULIES
5. GODZILLA 1985
Hmm, maybe you shouldn't see those movies. I would like to get some email and post some of it on my site here. If you can send me your top 5 lists of the best and worst of 1999, or just of all time I would love to put them up here at the Kickin' Box Office Report. No names need to be published unless you want them to.
Here are some honorable mentions for best of the year of 1999:
The Green Mile; Toy Story 2; The Sixth Sense; The Mummy; and End of Days.
The worst has been covered.
No awards for other nonsensical things that occurred in movies this year. They have pretty much been covered, and it is now becoming a cliché to do those award list things like cheers and jeers and the like. I will just stick with the cliché of the list analysis. It was a good year for movies. The year 2000 is primed to have a lot of stuff as well. We will just have to see what happens. Bye for now, and happy new year!
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