By Dean Goodman

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - With Halloween around the corner, the North American box office served up some hair-raising surprises over the weekend.

"Scary Movie 3," the latest entry in the spoof franchise, enjoyed a record-smashing No. 1 debut by selling a better-than-expected $49.7 million worth of tickets in its first three days, according to studio estimates issued on Sunday.

At the other end, Oscar-winner Angelina Jolie (news)'s career suffered another frightening free-fall as her latest movie, the war drama "Beyond Borders," opened at No. 11 with $2.0 million, at the lower end of sharply diminished expectations.

In the limited-release world, prospects seemed bullish for "Brother Bear," the Walt Disney Co. cartoon that opened in one theater each in New York and Los Angeles before its national rollout on Nov. 1. The film earned $285,000, for a per-theater average of $142,500. By contrast, "Scary Movie 3" averaged a sterling $14,100, easily the highest in the top 10.

"Scary Movie 3" broke the record for an October release set last year when the Hannibal Lecter horror "Red Dragon" opened at No. 1 with $36.5 million.

It also sets a new record for Miramax Films, the Disney unit that released the film through its Dimension Films genre banner. Miramax's previous best was the first "Scary Movie," which opened with $42.4 million in 2000 and ended up with $160 million. The second film, released last year, opened with $20.5 million and finished with $71.3 million.

"SCARY MOVIE 4" ON THE WAY

The latest film, directed by comedy veteran David Zucker (news) ("Airplane!" and the "Naked Gun" series), features such actors as Anna Faris (news), Leslie Nielsen (news), George Carlin (news), Charlie Sheen (news) and Queen Latifah. Budgeted at $45 million, it spoofs recent thrillers like "Signs," "The Ring" and "The Others."

"It's a laugh-fest," said Miramax co-chairman Bob Weinstein, who had hoped for an opening in the $30 million-$40 million range. "It's sorta like the perfect tonic. It hit right, y'know?"

Unlike the first two "Scary" movies, which were R-rated, the new one carried a less restrictive PG-13 tag, albeit with warnings of "pervasive crude and sexual humor, language, comic violence and drug references."

Weinstein said production on a fourth "Scary Movie" would begin in the first quarter with release set for later in 2004.

Last weekend's champion, "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre," slipped to No. 2 with $14.7 million, taking its 10-day total to $51.2 million. The remake of the cult horror film was released by New Line Cinema, a unit of Time Warner Inc .

The football drama "Radio," starring Ed Harris (news) and Cuba Gooding (news) Jr., opened at No. 3 with $14 million. It was released by Columbia Pictures, a unit of Sony Corp (NYSE:SNE - news) (news - web sites) .

JOLIE'S SECOND BOMB

"Beyond Borders," in which Jolie plays an international aid worker, was released by Paramount Pictures, a unit of Viacom Inc. . It marks the actress' second bomb this year after the "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" sequel. Paramount had hoped for an opening in the $2 million-$5 million range, but the film's serious subject matter -- i.e. starving refugees -- was a problem.

The studio's financial risk was limited to prints and advertising, as the $35 million film was produced by Mandalay Pictures, a closely held firm headed by one-time Sony Pictures chief Peter Guber.

Rounding out the top five were the legal thriller "Runaway Jury" at No. 4 with $8.4 million, and director Clint Eastwood (news)'s crime drama "Mystic River" at No. 5 with $7.6 million.

"Runaway Jury," based on a John Grisham novel and starring Gene Hackman (news) and Dustin Hoffman (news), has grossed $24 million after two weekends. It was released by 20th Century Fox, a unit of News Corp.'s Fox Entertainment Group Inc .

"Mystic River," which stars Sean Penn (news), Kevin Bacon (news) and Tim Robbins (news), has earned $24.6 million after two weekends in wide release. It was released by Time Warner's Warner Bros. Pictures.

1. Scary Movie 3 .......... $48,113,770

BOX OFFICE SO FAR: $48,113,770

2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre .......... $14,468,555

BOX OFFICE SO FAR: $50,919,462

3 - Radio .......... $13,303,724

BOX OFFICE SO FAR: $13,303,724

4. Runaway Jury .......... $8,446,650

BOX OFFICE SO FAR: $24,057,433

5. Mystic River .......... $7,787,255

BOX OFFICE SO FAR: $24,733,033

6. School of Rock .......... $6,521,355

BOX OFFICE SO FAR: $63,392,926

7. Kill Bill Vol. 1 .......... $6,355,590

BOX OFFICE SO FAR: $54,037,681

8. Good Boy! .......... $5,065,102

BOX OFFICE SO FAR: $32,104,866

9. Intolerable Cruelty .......... $3,629,860

BOX OFFICE SO FAR: $28,252,815

10. Under the Tuscan Sun .......... $2,287,114

BOX OFFICE SO FAR: $37,249,294

John L.: I get angry a lot. One thing that ticks me off is a bad movie that is successful at the box office. Scary Movie 3 somehow fooled enough people to have it earn over $48 million in three days of release. I was one of those fooled into thinking it might be a pretty humorous film. Little did I know that what was presented was a big fat bait and switch. More on this in my review. Cuba Gooding Jr. is trying to get an Oscar again by glomming off the careers of Tom Hanks, Dustin Hoffman, and Sean Penn by playing mentally challenged football fan with Bubba teeth. Due to some heavy promotion, the movie opened pretty well, but has been savaged by many critics saying it is a bit too corny. Radio is based on a true story so some slack must be given to its plot structure. It should be interesting how this film holds up over the coming weeks. Angelina Jolie is the most popular actress around that no one likes to actually watch act. She is famous for five reasons, her father, her lips, and her breasts. For some reason, her latest roles have not been able to interest the masses or the critics. Girl Interrupted was not a box office hit, but it was well recieved by those who saw it and it got her an Oscar. Teenagers search the digital cable guide everyday to see if Gia is playing on HBO. The first Tomb Raider was silly, but was true to the video game. But her escursions into being blonde, doing Antonio Banderas, and returning the ancient tombs have turned her fame into apathy. Plus, doing a movie about the plight of starving people is not that entertaining and is too similar to her personal quests in real life. Jolie's relationship with Billy Bob Thorton made news for its bloodletting and tattoos, and now that it is over, people fast forward through their lives when they show up on Entertainment Tonight. She's an odd looking woman, who needs to take some time off and raise her adopted child who caused an end to her marriage.

Oh, and my first contest starts this week with naming of the new Nose Pick Icon.

Scary Movie 1 was a hilarious movie. Some people loved it, many hated it, but it made $157 million so Scary Movie 2 was rushed into production to get some extra dough. SM2 sucked. Most of that was due to poor editing as the DVD showed that 45 minutes of the movie was cut out of the final print. Due to the poor response to SM2, the Wayans Brothers, Keenan, Shawn, and Marlon decided to leave the series. No problem, they were easily replaced by David Zucker, co creator of Airplane!, a film that created a whole new genre of comedy, the rapid fire spoof. The Scary Movies can be made every year with or without the same cast whether they are killed off in the previous movies or not. As long as movies are made, there will be material to make fun of. The premise of all three films is that a group of idiots somehow find themselves involved in situations reminiscent of recent popular horror/sci-fi/dramas and try to survive several mishaps by pointing out how ridiculous the source material really is. Scary Movie 1 was a parody of the Scream movie, Scary Movie 2 spoofed The Haunting, and since a third movie has to be bigger, longer, and uncut, SM3 takes on 3 big films of the last year, Signs, The Ring, and 8-Mile. Plus there are side trips through the Matrix, The Others, and an homage to even Air Force One. These movies are easy to satirize and SM3 takes the easy way at every turn. Here is the plot of the movie. There is a video tape floating around town that when viewed sends out a signal to someone or something that immediately calls you and says that you will "shie en evine gay"... hold on, a cat just walked across my keyboard. It says that you will "die in seven days." Okay stop. Explanation time. This is the plot of the movies Japanese film "Ringu" and the American version called the "The Ring." Both Ringu and Ring have almost identical scripts and are pretty decent films for a horror story, however their plots make no sense as the audience has to buy the whole haunted video gimmick. The ending of each movie where the little girl crawls out of the television and kills a guy (off screen) is an amazing special effect and truly disturbing. It was a good payoff. In Scary Movie 3, there is very little parody of those films. In fact, I would consider SM3 a second remake of Ringu. The literal re-enactment of The Ring is too blatant and very unfunny. Why is it still a seven day death window? Why is the little girl coming out of the well the exact same way as in the other movie? Why is the woman combing her hair again and again and again. Why not have her have an afro and use a pick? Oh, I forgot, the Wayans didn't do this one. The opening bit with Jenny McCarthy and Pamela Anderson Lee (Not Rock) is notable for the size of Pamela's breasts, but there is no satire here. There is a subtle mention of the Pam and Tommy video tape, but due to the movie being PG-13, the young kids who are seeing this movie will have no idea what the joke is when their parents are chuckling. If the kids are laughing and the adults don't get it, then there are bigger problems afoot. Unfunny has never been more painful. The second part of the story is concerned with former Reverend Tom (Charlie Sheen). He is a farmer who goes out back and finds crop circle type message mowed into his lawn. Tom is the exact note for note character that Mel Gibson played in Signs. He is a former man of the cloth who lost his faith after the untimely and gruesome death of his wife. The only part that was remotely funny was the character playing the cause of his wife's death who captures the humor of the same character M. Knight Shyamalan portrayed in the source film. I don't understand the lazy writing here where scenes are imitated without any deviation whatsover. Simon Rex of MTV and various porno films plays Tom's brother George who wants to be a white rapper in an African American world. What this has to do with scary movies or the main story is never told as this 8-Mile goof just goes on and on and then forgotten. The rap battle sequence looks like outtakes from the real film done by understudies. It goes on forever and there is no twist except for the Simon "American Idol" Cowell cameo that is shown in its entirety in the trailer. Anna Faris is back as Cindy who somehow figures out that the videotape and the crop circles are connected. She has been killed off in the previous films, but returns as if those never happened, and in the context of this series, those events never did. She and George learn the truth about what is going on and have to figure out a way to stop it. None of this means anything since if you saw all of the movies Scary Movie 3 refers to then you have seen Scary Movie 3. The reasoning behind everything is not interesting enough to warrant your time. Even though most of this film fails as a comedy, there was one moment I was looking forward to that caused me to see the movie. The Eddie Griffin Orpheus "I'm prophesizing" bit was stupid looking, but for weeks I have been saying that phrase in anticipation of that moment and to hear Queen Latifah finally say "I'm about to prophesize my foot half way up your ass" without the cutoff. Well, trailer fans, I am sorry to say that that scene is no where to be found in the final product. For some unknown reason (test screening?) a completely different Matrix bit was used that was less funny. Latifah plays a version of the Matrix's Oracle while Eddie sits around and waits for the game to come on. Da hell? Also, if you see Latifah in a black leather outfit in screen shots or video footage, that's missing too. Nothing gets me more upset than a movie cutting out scenes that are prominently shown in the previews. I hate being played for a sucker. Leslie Nielsen plays the President as goof and is sort of funny. He is a Zucker mainstay and even gives a nod to the Airplane movies by reciting one of his famous lines from that movie. I still hate Russell Crowe for making me like gladiator movies. Zucker spoofs comedies rely on a 2 things. Exaggerated satire and when in doubt beat somebody up. Whenever the writers could not figure out how to end a joke, they rely on the battle crutch. There are more punches thrown in this film than in the average Rocky movie. I guess it's funny when the handicapped, nuns, little girls, and little boys are beaten to a pulp or run over by cars. It's funny once or twice, but 20 times? Scary Movie 3 is not completely awful as some things were funny. The funniest moments were those that had nothing to do with The Ring, Signs, or 8-Mile. Universally funny stuff worked or slight asides and no sell double takes. If a Scary Movie 4 is made, and it looks like there will be one, I suggest that the parodies be more parodyic. Don't just imitate a scene, twist it around. Also, make it R-rated please. I almost walked out when I realized the raunch level would be toned down to a teenager's level. Bring back the Anna Faris sperm gusher for part four. Final Review: 1 1/2 stars out of 5; 4 out of 10; C-; thumbs down.

Earlier this year a movie came out called Bend it Like Beckham. Beckham is David Beckham, international football (soccer) star who is better known in the United States as the husband o Posh Spice. He is the Michael Jorday, Wayne Gretsky, John Elway, and Derek Jeter of his sport. Girls and boys in several countries, except the United States thinks he is one of the world's greatest athletes. Football is the most popular sport in the world. Soccer is what it is called in America, and it ranks about 6th on the sports lists next to football (football), baseball, basketball, hockey, and NASCAR being ahead of it. As a big spectator sport, Soccer has had its problems reaching a wide audience, but in terms of sports kids play on the weekends, it is still pretty popular as the term "soccer mom" is part of the lexicon. No one ever says "baseball mom" or "basketball mom," but when you say "soccer mom" you know exactly what is going on. So there is some interest in the world of soccer. This movie is about how two girls love football (soccer) so much that they risk the wraths of their families to follow their dream. Parminder Nagra plays Jesminder "Jess" Bhamra, an Indian Sikh girl who loves David Beckham and dreams of one day playing on the same field as him. When she is able to, she goes out to the park and kicks the ball around with her guy friends. She is the best one there as she runs circles around her competition. Jess catches the eye of Jules (Keira Knightley) who plays on a local women's football (soccer) team. She sees potential in Jess, and believes that one day they both could make the pro circuit in the Womens' United Soccer Association (WUSA) in a the United States (Too bad that the WUSA looks to be defunct for the time being, but that's another story). Since this is a movie, Jess' parents are against her showing off her legs to the public as she wastes her life away trying to be a world class football player knowing full well that girls of her type (East Indian, Sikh) are rarely if ever allowed to achieve in organized sports on a national level. The do not want their daughter to become let down when the hardships of the real world kick her in the shins. So, the whole movie is about how Jess sneaks out of the house every day to "bend it like Beckham" on the football field. Along the way she has to deal with a love triangle between herself, Jules, and their coach Joe (Jonathan Rhys-Meyers). If that isn't bad enough, Jules mom is no better than Jess' parents. The only difference is that she begrudgingly allows Jules to play even though she hates it. Her mom wants her daughter to date boys and dress like a proper lady and not like a butchy football player. Her misconceptions of her daughter's "lifestyle" are pretty funny as they develop. There are about 3 storylines in the movie dealing with characters being perceived as gay or pretending to be straight. It seems to be some underlying theme that I am not sure had any fully developed point. This movie was an international phenomenon and is one of the sleeper hits of the year. BILB is very girl centric, and is a rare film that focuses so much on the feelings of the female sex. The film also delves pretty well with an average Indian household and how traditions can get in the way of current life choices. Jess's family is middle class and very proud of their nationality in a society that has not always been kind to them. Despite their surface antagonism to their daughter's wishes, you always get the sense that they love her very much and just want what's best for her. This is all fine and dandy, but the movie ends up being extremely predictable with not one major twist on the formula. Jess is banned from playing so she pretends to be sick when her parents leave the house and then sneaks out to practice. She has her sister cover for her while she flies off to Germany to play in a special game. She then has to make a choice of whether to go to her sister's wedding or play in the championship game that will be attended by a college scout from America that could lead to a football (soccer) scholarship. Of course she gets caught playing soccer almost everytime and is still able to defy her parents until the big speech at the end that brings everyone together. Sorry for the spoilers, but if you have ever watched an after school special or any basic TV movie, this is no surprise to anyone. You know how this will all turn out, but the journey is well put together. The acting, soccer sequences, and the basic story all work and is enjoyable to see. The only real criticism is its predictability. Bend it Like Beckham may not get you excited about watching soccer, but it is a pleasing enough movie to be worth your time. Final Review: 3 1/2 stars out of 5; 7 out of 10; B; thumbs up.

1. The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre is close to outgrossing all of the other ones total combined grosses.

2. Cuba Gooding Jr. has learned that when in doubt, always play a real person to get back your acting cred.

3. Hollywood needs to realize that just because someone is slow, dumb, mentally challenged, or clinically retarded, an Oscar nomination is not guaranteed.

4. The audience continues to avoid all movies based on John Grisham novels.

5. Clint Eastwood has been criticized for the violence in his older films, but gets praised when he does a movie about the murder of a teenage girl.

6. School of Rock is hanging in there, but looks to fall short in box office compared to Shallow Hal.

7. Kill Bill is lacking any mass interest because many people will wait for the video releases of volume one and two so they can see the whole story at once.

8. If Good Boy would charge adult price to all the kids that went to see this movie, it's box office would look more impressive.

9. Intolerable Cruelty has the so called big stars, but its horrible trailer has kept most away that tend to enjoy Coen Brothers movies.

10. I wonder how many people really know where Tuscany is.

Next week's new movies are an odd lot. Anthony Hopkins plays a guy who falls in love with Nicole Kidman and he has a "dark" secret as they say and it has nothing to do with Chianti this time. Alien the Director's Cut comes out in the theaters and we get to see Tom Skerrit cocooned up on a wall. Re-releasing Alien without any major fanfare is a dumb idea. That's it for releases next week, so it looks like Scary Movie 3 has a decent shot at repeating. Bye for now.